Comic for Friday, March 20th
I confess, Sparrow copied between the 4 and 5th panel with minor edits. I don’t usually do that! I made a bit of a mistake and only realized a little bit before this page was going up that he wasn’t (for reasons I don’t understand) in the last panel, yet should clearly be visible. I figured this was a good enough solution, but wanted to justify that I’m dumb, not lazy!
Most mages with the ability to pull off what the level of magic our white haired friend is currently use (a layered levitation spell, a pretty fancy shield, and rather weight type spell, for those counting) are registered by the country they belong to – and for good reason. Generally (as is the case in Malsa) these mages are strongly encouraged to register rather than strictly required to, but are given protection and benefits for doing so. In many questions such registration is likely mandatory, though as there wouldn’t be an easy way of detecting a mages skill level if they didn’t want you to, it would likely rarely be foolproof.
The implementation of visual sound effects (… yes, I did just type “visual sound effects” and expect it to make sense…) continues to involve. I’m not sure “Bang” was particularly appropriate, but it seemed traditional, so I figured what the heck.
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I don’t know why but the inclusion of an actual bullet instead of a vague brass streak bothers me for some reason.
Final panel – take out the first “mage”. “If this is a registered mage”, not “if this mage is a registered mage”.
This will give space to move the “If this” to the next line. It requires reading twice as it is, due to the dots on the “I.D.”
So I did the line adjustment and added a comma, is this more legible? I did leave in the first ‘mage’, as I believe this is one of the first times a ‘registered mage’ is talked about, and I want to build the distinction of ‘registered mage’ as sort of distinct from a ‘mage’.
I get that this is a tad confusing, and grant it may not be the best sentence, but I think it helps distinguish the concept of ‘mages’ vs ‘registered mages’ as a more concrete divide.
This may be dubious comma use, I don’t know. I think it’s maybe easier to read, but am an infamously bad judge of that 😛
Frame six: “country’s”
Fixed!
It seems I’ve caught up to your corrections, you definitely went above and beyond the call of duty, and thus I award you:
In all seriousness though, I do appreciate the time and effort you put in trying to help me clean up this mess; your contributions have almost certainly made a better reading experience for future readers 🙂
My, my. It looks as if someone isn’t used to being thwarted. I’m hereby predicting a major temper tantrum in the near future. ^^
Their temper does seem to be turning a wee bit foul, doesn’t it? 😀